The River Story

You became a part of the river story

The river of my dreams

The river of my past

Drowning me with sorrow

We spent so many nights together 

Tense and terse and never comfortable

We faced journey after journey in strife

A darkness about both of our hearts 

Until we found not only freedom from ourselves 

But from each other

I hated the day

I will always hate the day

5 years into it all this time

Millennia passing in between meetings

I am still in agony

Mostly, I wonder where joy went

 I remember when it was sucked away from me

Lost among the thorns of a childhood spent as a lie

It has been a common theme in my life

You ‘just want me to be happy’

But then show me only misery

I beg for freedom

Each passing night 

A clarity ringing through my desires

Yet my unquenched thirst remains in your stead

#111

Through all of the pain

I am still alive to tell

The river story

Fire Holds

I am beholden to the word

It flows out of my sphere

Like light

Emitted from the sun

I shall turn toward a brighter day

For inspiration

For grounding 

After such a dark trial

A molten heart burning me

With fingers 

Greedy and too strong for my frame

Easily beating my senses

I found myself dazed

Lost in a world of confusion 

Misled steps 

Causing cautious action

Reeling from the waves

Until a full retreat was the only answer

I am still angry

Yet forging a path of forward motion

If only for myself

I find you

In all the places I am not looking for

And when I find you

It is like acid upon my skin

A journey to the darkness begins again

Haiku #110

Stop following me

Now is the time for goodbye

Stop the flow for good

Yesterday Is Not Tomorrow

Words keep flowing

A restraint ever taut

Let loose 

Only with a flood of emotion

Passion gripping fingers to type

To pour over the page

No one

Has ever struck me

With their arrow so deep

Such poison working fast

Upon my chest

Pricking me with little deaths

Over and over again and again 

Only Half

Eternities

Further marked in passing

Under melting snow 

Dripping along hardened rock

Exposing once and future soil

Overturned with claws 

Digging 

Hard against the dirt

At the final obstruction

Unearthed with bleeding fingers

While in that lonely vestibule

The story pages have been torn

The cover

Eaten by creature and time alike

Rains

Soaking through

Smearing the ink

Into a greater sense of loss 

So profound

So exacting in force

That the swirling waters

Meant to nourish me

Will only fill my cup of life

Halfway to the brim now

Haiku #109

Another wheel passed

5 in total from the start

Of the very end

Haiku #108

Words live on fire
In the heart that is betrayed
Rest now and be freed

Am I Free?

This time

I am free

But choking on the memory

A night does not pass

A day never rising

That breaks the thread

I have tried scissors

And flame

Axe and wall

Only to feel that new familiar ache

A healing process

Only sought

To stop the cosmic leaking of my soul

I find I must be stronger

I find I must learn

To be more free

On Finding Your Goodbye

I was not strong enough

To say goodbye again

Face to face

Etched in mind

On heartsleeve

On the finite edge of sanity

That fled with the escape of the night into day

I am broken with sorrows that are not my own

As they are not my path

I only hope for truth to shine her light