Where Is Love Now?

by Joanna

Recalling the chase
The excitement I felt
Like a teenager in love for the first time
I remember little except your smile
Your open hand
And the time you took a knee in the doorway to the balcony on Mill
Not to propose
But to offer yourself to me
Under false pretense
In some play for power
That would eventually destroy me
Like every piece of trash you owned That you left behind
In someone else’s garage
My heart was shattered yet I trusted you then and there
To help me carry the pieces along
Until we found enough glue
My dream was to help you
Carry and patch together yours
While you helped me
Patch together mine
It did not matter where
Or how
Just that we loved and it was enough to figure it all out
I thought, so foolish a though
That you were in fact
Someone with enough room inside
To accept all that was the broken in me
(I did my very best to accept you)
Someone with enough understanding
Enough patience with life while we healed, together
There was no mistaking the love
That sparked ever fiercely
Between us as we created storms
Yet those sparks never caught flame
As the rains and winds and waters took precedence
This is why I used to try
To reach out
To touch your arm
To connect with you inside
While in my dreamscapes
Hoping that the spark was to find a source of love, somewhere
A source to burn ever brighter into eternity
Instead of misery dragging through the mud
The pain has eased now
Expect for the quiet moments
Combing my hair
Brushing my teeth
Small things that I held close to my chest
When I slept over every night
Because you never made room
In your empty castle to share with me
And so I was always a guest
Looking over my shoulder when I was supposed to be with my love
Now, time has passed along
And miles have grown
I do not have words of joy for you
And this is why
Silence continues to draw her cold breath
From the edges of my reality